Not All Plants Are Welcome at the Party

I try to be accepting in my garden. I marvel at the pretty little wildflowers (usually weeds) in the lawn; I accept the invasive honeysuckle for its over-productive reproduction; I even welcome a few of the dozens of redbud seedlings that pop up all over my yard each year.

I do not, however, have an egalitarian approach to all living things. I just don’t. I think I’ve pretty well established my feelings towards grass here and mean bugs here, but there are a few others I just simply can’t tolerate. The three big ones are

 Oh, and Virginia creeper.

Were it possible to scream electronically, I would right now. Imagine me screaming, please.

These poisons make me crazy. I am insanely allergic to them, and they grow e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. Seriously, everywhere. The poison oak grows along the ground by one of my water spigots. The poison sumac sprouts, treelike, in my bushes. And the Virginia creeper is my nemesis. It grows on the ground, in the bushes, up the trees, around the house, etc.

I’ve always called Virginia creeper “poison ivy” because that’s what I grew up calling it, but apparently they are two different things. Either way, I’m allergic.

More or less, I’ve had some form of poison oak (what I call the rash that develops from any of the above poisons) for the past 8 months. Sure, I’ve had spells of freedom, but they haven’t been long. Last fall, when clearing out some bushes, I got it so bad on my legs that I took Benedryl for over 6 weeks (well past the recommended length of dosage, I’m aware). The scarring is atrocious. Then I got it on my arms and legs this spring when cutting back the azaleas. This past weekend, I thought I’d outsmarted the little twits by wearing long pants and long sleeves. “Ha-ha,” I metaphorically said to them. Yesterday, a patch turned up on my face. Here I am, electronically screaming again.

Like fleas, ticks, mosquitos, and wasps, I do not think poisons have a respectable purpose on Earth. They irritate, sting, and attack me and my pets without bringing any benefits to the table. Take, for instance, wild blackberries. They’ve got it figured out. They’re thorny and can hurt me, but the fruit is the benefit. A little yin, a little yang. Poisons have all the yang and no yin.

I’m aware that I’m not the center of the universe. I know this. But neither are poisons. And they certainly aren’t the center of my garden. Out they go.

UPDATE: I’ve been corrected on my wasp hatred. Good to know some beneficial wasps are out there. Now I just need to get them in the garden. Check out this neat article about parasitic wasps.

Graphic and photo linked to sources.